Well,..my life at this point is shit. I quit the band I was in for over 6 years to join a bigger band to play out in bigger clubs in my area and my wife wasn't happy about it. We've been at each other for like 2 weeks now and it isn't getting any better. Infact she wrote an email to her cousin (that I read,..her not knowing I read it ) saying that she is going to leave me and she is sick and tired of me trying to live out my teen age fantasies in a rock band. AND,.this band "bullshit" is taking all my time up and she feels like she living with a house mate instead of a husband,...and so on and so on.
I do love her but,..she seems to not understand that playing a guitar and being in a band is a very big part of my life. Fuck!,..I've been in bands since I was 13!! I'm 47 now and I'm just doing what I've been doing for a long time. Maybe it's time I give all this shit up!? I can't believe how fcking shitty I feel right now. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've talked to her about all this before and I think she just went along with,..but didn't like it,...as I come to find out in the email she wrote to her cousin. I guess,..if I don't give it up (playing guitar) I'll be looking at a devoice in the near future. I'm very confused and depressed about all this.

Johnny

Shit man ... what the hell can any one of us say to that??

I'm lucky that my wife has (usually) supported me as far as being in a band goes, tho' she does still 'pull me up' from time to time if and when I get too deep with it. I got family and kids to take care of too.

We've had our 'moments' too (as do we all), tho' usually, it hasn't been anything to do with music.

Why didn't she say something before you left the old band for the new (or DID she ... and you just chose not to pay too much heed?)

You have seriously GOT to talk to her Johnny ... after all, she DOES have a legitimate 'claim' on your time, but surely, she must realise that this was also your life before you met her (wasn't it?) ... and that the person you were (and are), partly because of the music, is what she fell for in the first place?

I can't pretend to know or understand all the issues mate, but know this ... I'm thinking of you ... and hoping you can work this out with her.

Whatever happens, you still have friends, both here and in the real world ... you need friends too.

Best of British luck to you my friend

:thumb:

Shit man ... what the hell can any one of us say to that??

I'm lucky that my wife has (usually) supported me as far as being in a band goes, tho' she does still 'pull me up' from time to time if and when I get too deep with it. I got family and kids to take care of too.

We've had our 'moments' too (as do we all), tho' usually, it hasn't been anything to do with music.

Why didn't she say something before you left the old band for the new (or DID she ... and you just chose not to pay too much heed?)

You have seriously GOT to talk to her Johnny ... after all, she DOES have a legitimate 'claim' on your time, but surely, she must realise that this was also your life before you met her (wasn't it?) ... and that the person you were (and are), partly because of the music, is what she fell for in the first place?

I can't pretend to know or understand all the issues mate, but know this ... I'm thinking of you ... and hoping you can work this out with her.

Whatever happens, you still have friends, both here and in the real world ... you need friends too.

Best of British luck to you my friend

:thumb:


I'm pretty sure she is just to the point in her life,..that she wants more than just a guy who has a band and loves music like I do! She has told me this before and I just said,.."come on hun" and laughed it off. I guess she is serious about it!
I just don't know,..Im just gonna get trashed tonight and call out sick from work tomorrow and try to re-think my fucked life.

Really sorry to hear this Johnny... Not the best way to learn of these things.

I agree with what John says, but I'll add that the lady obviously understands its a big part of your life. Only a few months ago she was buying you VH tickets. There is some understanding there for her to do something like that for you.

I am in a band and rehearsal time sometimes gets in the way of personal life. Mine doesn't take up nearly as much time as yours does. We rehearse one evening a week and probably gig about once a month. I know that when I cancel a rehearsal on the odd occasion, for my wife, it means a lot to her.

I had a row a few months ago with her because she said I was always off doing the "band thing". The problem turned out to be that she was hurt I never invited her to come along to a gig. I never even knew she'd be interested in coming! Now she comes along and sits at the bar and gets all the free band drinks! She meets the punters and tells them about the band, where we are playing next and spreads the word while people are watching us.

Can you somehow get her involved in the Band, not playing an instrument, but its important that a couple share each others passions. What's hers?... Don't say shopping!

Oh come on ... SERIOUSLY ... "just a guy"??

You are so much more than "just a guy". You have intelligence and creativity ... takes both to play guitar AND even more so to do something WITH it like you do.

There's more to being a 'guy' than just bringing home a wage every week and keeping your wife in a style to which she'd like to become accustomed - and you already ARE more.

Like Jim and his wife, mine comes along to gigs too ... always has. How about yours ... is she a stay at home? feeling isolated? invite her along ... help her to get to know the other band member's wives and girlfriends ... get her involved and feeling part of the 'team'?

Some pretty good advice here I think, and not much I can add to it, just say that I really do hope that you can get this problem sorted in a way that keeps you both happy. Hell of a situation man, but hopefully resolvable.

This sucks but a high percentage of women do see guitars and bands as pure toys , unless its bringing in serious mullah . You have to involve her into your band/music thing .

Get her on stage miming keyboards , anything just try and get her involved . Quitting will achieve nothing .Guitars and music are genetic , its a blood thing , you have it till the day you die . You have to both compromise , if she or yourself are unwilling , its over .

Johnny, i cannot express how gutted i feel for you right now. People might think i'm a right twat for what i might write here but i seriously don't give a shit.

I've been lucky enough to have you as a 'mentor' since i joined this site and been lucky enough to have James and John be huge influences on me also. So ill not tread lightly here. What they say is dead true. Your wife obviously knew you were into guitars and music in a BIG way when you met her and i bet my last British quid that this was part of what attracted her to you.

I play rugby and my past girlfriends like this, until they find out that the social side of it is almost as important as the game itself. Then they try to complain and moan, even if at least 80% of the time is spent with them. Whats your percentage of time spent with your wife dude? If you come home from work, go straight to your studio, never come out until bed time then get up for work again, then go gigging at weekends, get wasted and start all over again. THEN there would be a problem, but im guessing that this is not the case with you??

As John said you neeed to talk and iron out these things, if she is not involved with your music then get her involved. Hell my Mrs hears all my stuff even before i send it to you! She says ' is this one going to Johnny?'

Man, i don't know if im just rambling on here but this can be worked out. Its all a matter of time ratio in the end. Sorry if this sounds shitty but you've always been honest to me.

Cheers my friend.

Andrew.

lot of advice here saying get her involved in what you do, maybe you should spend some time getting involved in what SHE does,,takes two to tango mate.

sounds like shes bottled this up for some time hoping, with age your lessen your band commitments/gigging not increase em!
now shes snapped, i dont fancy your chances of dragging her along to gigs much, more like you spending more time at home with her.

as usual with women, a compromise is 80% vs 20% in their favour!

be it gigging, golfing, drinking, they wean you out of it over the years...bless 'em!

good luck in finding a happy solution mate. :thumb:

regards,
jim.

Dude, if you are really having problems you and your wife should go seek professional counseling. If you value your marriage I wouldn't chance it on the advice given from forumites. Just my two cents...

I don't think any of us are qualified to give this sort of advice. But marriage is give and take, you both have to compromise.

Could be down to anything. Did you meet at a gig perchance and now she's worried about whether you might meet someone at these other gigs ?

Who knows, bottom line, you gotta talk to her and sort this out, and decide which is most important to you if it isn't resolvable.

Thank you all for the advice. That's why I love this site so friggin much. Everyone is so understanding.

Well,...When I first met her,..it was 6 years ago after not seeing her for a long time,..but Ive known her since she was 14....now she is 42. Anyway,..when we got together 6 years ago,..I was in a BAND!! Every time I would come to her house after rehearsal she would say,..wow you look great and I love it when you walk into my house with your guitar case in hand and you're all sweaty looking. So,..I gotta say,..yes she's into me playing,..but it seems to me,..when I left my other band to join the new one,..everything went down hill. Yes,..I am spending a little more time with the new band,..because it's new and we need to rehears all these new tunes that none of us played before (well most of them). Even with the other band,..I always took her to the gigs with me a we had a good time. I think it's partly my fault that this is happening to us. I find myself coming home from work,..going to my studio and practicing and getting down these new tunes almost every night of the week. I spent alot of time doing this in the past few weeks. Stereophony is right,..I'm spending to must time practicing and not enough time with the misses. I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place
with this new band. Ya know what I mean? The old band was very easy on me,..as we never rehearsed because the songs never changed. We would maybe get together for a rehearsal once every 3 months to add a few new tunes. But other than that,..we never even hung out with each other. Really the only time the band spent any time together was at gigs,..and that's it. I think she's feeling neglected at this point and I can't blame her for that. I need to talk to her and also my band mates and just tell them that we need to slow it down a little until I can sort all this shit out. It was just a very big shock to me when I read that email she had wrote.

Well,..I'm home today and doing alot of thinking about all this. We a supposed to be going to Atlantic City this weekend,..but she hasn't even mentioned it at all. Our 4 year old was going to my sisters house and we wanted get away and just spend some time together,..but now with all this shit happening,.. I just don't know what's going on. A talk tonight is gonna happen no matter what. I need to get this all out with her and really listen to what she has to say and she needs to listen what I have to say also. I can't give up playing,..it will crush me!

Johnny

Dude, if you are really having problems you and your wife should go seek professional counseling. If you value your marriage I wouldn't chance it on the advice given from forumites. Just my two cents...

Yes, Stingx is right. Make sure you ask for a counsellor who has been in a band and preferably plays guitar.

Hey man, I'm really sad to hear that. I won't even try to give any advice as I have neither band nor wife, but I know you'll get through it one way or another. I hope it'll be in the best way possible!

Johnny,

I may be on the wrong track here, but if it were me, I wouldn't mention having seen the email.

We men like things straight-forward and out in the open. But in my experience (and this is ONLY my experience), women don't (Mars --- Venus, remember?).

BTW, I do NOT pretend to be a relationship expert.

But to me, letting on to having seen and read the email will be tantamount to telling her you don't trust her. Without trust, there can't be love (is how she will surely interpret that information, no matter how innocently you actually mean it).

IMO, far better to dis-engage with the band enough to engage more with her again, but NOT all one thing one day and all the other on the next.

Try to start being spontaneous again ... small but meaningful things, days out/away together, making time for the two of you, but little and often .. not occasional and huge gestures ... and most importantly, KEEP doing it.

Make time to get to know her again. Talk to her, don't just tell her she's important to you, SHOW her.

The guys in the band should understand. You originally said that it was an 'old friend/band-mate' who contacted you at first? surely he at least will cut you some slack?

Again ... the usual disclaimer, like the other guys ... I'm not qualified ... these are just my thoughts and experiences.

Good luck mate :thumb:

Johnny,

I may be on the wrong track here, but if it were me, I wouldn't mention having seen the email.

We men like things straight-forward and out in the open. But in my experience (and this is ONLY my experience), women don't (Mars --- Venus, remember?).

BTW, I do NOT pretend to be a relationship expert.

But to me, letting on to having seen and read the email will be tantamount to telling her you don't trust her. Without trust, there can't be love (is how she will surely interpret that information, no matter how innocently you actually mean it).

IMO, far better to dis-engage with the band enough to engage more with her again, but NOT all one thing one day and all the other on the next.

Try to start being spontaneous again ... small but meaningful things, days out/away together, making time for the two of you, but little and often .. not occasional and huge gestures ... and most importantly, KEEP doing it.

Make time to get to know her again. Talk to her, don't just tell her she's important to you, SHOW her.

The guys in the band should understand. You originally said that it was an 'old friend/band-mate' who contacted you at first? surely he at least will cut you some slack?

Again ... the usual disclaimer, like the other guys ... I'm not qualified ... these are just my thoughts and experiences.

Good luck mate :thumb:

Cap! Thanks man! you're right,..that's what I'm going to do. Little steps but keep-em going. I gotta get more involved again with her feelings. I just take things for granted sometimes and think everything is ok,..but I should listen and see really what's going on around me instead of being in my own world. It all comes down to what is important,.. and my family should come first. Alot of times it's second to my music,..and I think that's wrong. I love music so much and I can't see giving it up,,EVER. I've been in bands my whole life and can't imagine not being in one now.
I'm gonna put the band thing on the back burner and just slow it down somewhat. I don't want to lose her,..she's my love and buddy! She really is a kind and loving person. I don't know what I would do without her.
Thanks again man and have a great day!

Johnny

Johnny

I am new to this site and i dont know you as well as all these great friends you have here on GB.
But after reading your post i felt compeled to write you.I am 45 years old and like you have played in bands all my life.I think why this post struck a chord with me and others on this forum is that your situation sounds all to familiar.

My wife and myself have gone through this same situation and until i sat down and talked with her i really didn't understand what the underlying problems were from her perspective.

All we can do is offer our support and say that you are not alone in this, and that there are many of us that have gone through this same situation on various levels and have worked it out for the best.

Parker

Hey Johnny

I am new to this site and i dont know you as well as all these great friends you have here on GB.
But after reading your post i felt compeled to write you.I am 45 years old and like you have played in bands all my life.I think why this post struck a chord with me and others on this forum is that your situation sounds all to familiar.

My wife and myself have gone through this same situation and until i sat down and talked with her i really didn't understand what the underlying problems were from her perspective.

I am not going to offer you advice but i will say that you are not alone in this, and that there are many of us that have gone through this same situation on various levels and have worked it out for the best.

Parker

Welcome to the site man! Great place to hang out for sure!
Yeah,.it's kinda funny how things are and how others here have gone through the same stuff as me. It's very hard on me,..because this is all I know man. Music,bands,family,..but I guess I've been a slacker when it comes to my family. Putting them second,.... it sucks,.. and I know it. It's hard to change this (me),..it's all I've done all my life so far. She is always telling me that it's an obsession with me not a hobby. It's like a drug for me,..I have to play or I'm unhappy. It's always been this way. Shit man,..I am obsessed,..I have to be!!.....I have 5 amps, 15 guitars, a bass guitar,..I'm having a Custom Strat built for me as we speak,(I'll post some picks when I get it) I have a full recording studio, a Drum kit,..so many effects that I lost count, A PA system,..and what ever is in my attic at the moment. So,..yes it's a drug to me and I don't wanna give it up,..or I should say,..I can't give it up! We must work this out and come to some type of an agreement with all of this. Like I said in the original post "Depressed and Confused" BUT,..I'm hearing everyone and I am thankful that I can talk here about a serious problem and get some great advice from friends here on GB...Thanks everyone. You guys and gals kick ass!

Johnny

You struck a chord with many people here Johnny. My wife's first date with me in 1982 was to go and see a piece of wood for a custom built explorer...and it went downhill from there! As a consequence she hasn't heard a single thing I've recorded in the last 5 years, last gig she came to in 2003, she went to the pub next door with her mate and she is totally uninterested in anything to do with guitars and me playing them. BUT after all the fights over the guitar and me and her, we've reached an uneasy alliance. Problem is that it's SO easy to get wrapped up in your music that you do forget about all the day to day stuff that women thrive on...like communicating with each other!!! We'll never see eye to eye over me and guitars and there's no making that any easier but we have kids and that is our common ground. Good luck mate.

Johnny!! To hell with any fckin´professional counseling. I know you don´t need any of that shit. A couple of phone calls we´ve had, a few piccys of ´my lil girl´ miss A does it for me man. But don´t compare music with family. You know for sure what is deffinately more important in life. Slicer hit the nail there. I know you´ll fix it. Talk it over, and though you wholeheartedly posted the issue on a forum asking for advice, bare in mind you never know what dickhead is going to read it, just the same as you managed to read that email you mentioned...

Johnny!! To hell with any fckin´professional counseling. I know you don´t need any of that shit. A couple of phone calls we´ve had, a few piccys of ´my lil girl´ miss A does it for me man. But don´t compare music with family. You know for sure what is deffinately more important in life. Slicer hit the nail there. I know you´ll fix it. Talk it over, and though you wholeheartedly posted the issue on a forum asking for advice, bare in mind you never know what dickhead is going to read it, just the same as you managed to read that email you mentioned...

Yeah,.I got ya bro! I'll handle it the best way I can. But like I said I'm not giving up my music. It sounds sorta selfish but that's the way it is man! I'm sure It will work out,..at least I hope it does!!? We're gonna talk tonight after the kids go to bed. I'm just not ready to give it up and not ready to give up on my relationship. I guess I'll do whatever it takes but,..I hope she doesn't ask me to give up playing or being in a band. I can't do that. If she does,..then I guess I'll just move on and be a lonely guy in Jersey! I gotta keep it positive with this talk we have,..that's all I can do for now!
Thanks man!

Johnny

You struck a chord with many people here Johnny. My wife's first date with me in 1982 was to go and see a piece of wood for a custom built explorer...and it went downhill from there! As a consequence she hasn't heard a single thing I've recorded in the last 5 years, last gig she came to in 2003, she went to the pub next door with her mate and she is totally uninterested in anything to do with guitars and me playing them. BUT after all the fights over the guitar and me and her, we've reached an uneasy alliance. Problem is that it's SO easy to get wrapped up in your music that you do forget about all the day to day stuff that women thrive on...like communicating with each other!!! We'll never see eye to eye over me and guitars and there's no making that any easier but we have kids and that is our common ground. Good luck mate.

I guess it's like a big wedge between you guys. It's that way here to,..but it wasn't always that way. She has always supported me with this and now it's different all around. Man how do you cope with the tension about how she feels man? Aren't ya worried that she'll meet someone and just say,..I'm outta here one day?! Man,..that worries me big time! I don't think I could handle that shit at all. I just want her to understand that it's a big part in my life and she knows that bro! That's what pisses me off about this whole deal. WTF??

Johnny

Well i'm definately not in any possition to advise on this, but i think alot of sence has been writen above, especially Jims reply, and i wish you all the best in sorting this out with your other half.

I guess it's like a big wedge between you guys. It's that way here to,..but it wasn't always that way. She has always supported me with this and now it's different all around. Man how do you cope with the tension about how she feels man? Aren't ya worried that she'll meet someone and just say,..I'm outta here one day?! Man,..that worries me big time! I don't think I could handle that shit at all. I just want her to understand that it's a big part in my life and she knows that bro! That's what pisses me off about this whole deal. WTF??

Johnny


Kids are a leveller mate...plus she's fuck ugly! :lol: J/K she's beautiful! Maybe you need a night off. Go out and have a meal and talk about it...neutral ground away from the house. As I said, you have to meet somewhere along the line so find common ground and make sure if you make concessions, you stick to them. :thumb:

Sounds like you have got your head into the right place to sort this out. Its all about compromise in the end. I have walked out of this house twice in the last 3 yrs or so, but have come crawling back each time. Kids are a big tie, but much as she drives me nuts sometimes, it's her too. As previously mentioned don't tell her you read her email!!! There has to be a way to keep your family and your band, hope you find it.

well my wife hates that i have been in bands for 35 years. she was after me to quit even before we were married. 29 years ago. god i'm old. i played in the "kicks" band for 10 years and she never saw us play. not once. lol. i made it very clear when we were dating that i will always be in a band and i'm sure she is pissed that i'm still playing but she finally gave up on getting me to quit but only a couple years ago. guess were both stubborn. so i am a bad example but i'll give you my opinion anyway

you have to explain that recent over- practicing is only temporary untill the band gets ready to start gigging. then explain to the band that you are having problems with your wife and you need to spend more time with her so they need to lighten up on the time spent practicing. then promise the wife that you will make an effort to spend more time with her but also that it is very important to you to be in this band and that you will be miserable if you quit and you will not be fun to be around and will probably resent her for making you quit. don't worry you can go a long time without sex. lol

well my wife hates that i have been in bands for 35 years. she was after me to quit even before we were married. 29 years ago. god i'm old. i played in the "kicks" band for 10 years and she never saw us play. not once. lol. i made it very clear when we were dating that i will always be in a band and i'm sure she is pissed that i'm still playing but she finally gave up on getting me to quit but only a couple years ago. guess were both stubborn. so i am a bad example but i'll give you my opinion anyway

you have to explain that recent over- practicing is only temporary until the band gets ready to start gigging. then explain to the band that you are having problems with your wife and you need to spend more time with her so they need to lighten up on the time spent practicing. then promise the wife that you will make an effort to spend more time with her but also that it is very important to you to be in this band and that you will be miserable if you quit and you will not be fun to be around and will probably resent her for making you quit. don't worry you can go a long time without sex. lol

Sounds good bro! This is the weekend that the shit hits the fan! We are going to be kidless until Sunday. We are going to talk for sure about all this. We need to come to a compromise or it will never work. Like you said,..if she says to quit the band,..I will be miserable and I will resent it big time. If this happens I will most likely leave her. Don't get me wrong,..I do love her but I also love my music,..that I can't give up. It sounds selfish,..but that's the way I feel.

Well,.after the weekend,..I will let ya's all know how it went. It doesn't look good at this point. I don't mean to sound negative,..but I have a bad feeling that it's gonna be over.
Thanks to everyone and have a great weekend.

Johnny

You're gonna hate me for this Johnny. I'm sorry about your situation but I do think you are being a bit selfish here. If you truly love her, music will always take a back seat. I don't play in a band, I don't even record anymore. There's simply no time to do that and have a healthy relationship with Janelle and our 3 kids. Do I resent them for that? Hell no! They are the best thing that ever happened to me. And what are you doing reading her emails anyway? That is a personal thing and there seems to be some trust issues if you feel the need to do that. I highly doubt she would like you posting this all in public either. I don't mean to be so harsh. You're a good guy Johnny, I just don't know if your priorities are straight.

Good luck Johnny (and to Mrs Johnny).

We're all thinking of you and hoping you can work this out to a reasonable compromise.

But whatever happens in the end, we're all still here for you mate and we'll be waiting at the other side for you :thumb:

I'm sorry about your situation but I do think you are being a bit selfish here.
Ditto. I´m sure lil miss A wouldn´t like it either.

You're gonna hate me for this Johnny. I'm sorry about your situation but I do think you are being a bit selfish here. If you truly love her, music will always take a back seat. I don't play in a band, I don't even record anymore. There's simply no time to do that and have a healthy relationship with Janelle and our 3 kids. Do I resent them for that? Hell no! They are the best thing that ever happened to me. And what are you doing reading her emails anyway? That is a personal thing and there seems to be some trust issues if you feel the need to do that. I highly doubt she would like you posting this all in public either. I don't mean to be so harsh. You're a good guy Johnny, I just don't know if your priorities are straight.


I do not take offense to your post at all. We're 2 different people and the road you choose is fine for you,..but not for me.
I think you're right,..I shouldn't have read the email. It was personal. She reads mine though. See this is just it,..music is part of my life bro and she knew this from the beginning and now it's an issue?? I just don't get it. We do have other issues that I can't post here and are very personal. So,..yes there is more to this than just music. But,..that is one of the big parts of it. And yes,..I think you're also right about my priorities. They are off. But,..this is me man. After all is said and done,..if it does work out,..then fine!,..if it doesn't work out them I guess it's my doing and she and I will live on.

Johnny

Sorry to hear that you are in this situvation bro, I hope you manage to get everything straightened out.

But,..this is me man. After all is said and done,..if it does work out,..then fine!,..if it doesn't work out them I guess it's my doing and she and I will live on. Johnny

Exactly! We're only here once, you gotta make the best of wotever situation.

Hope it all works out mate.Sometimes being a musician can be a curse,:mad: but what can you do,its in the blood.

I do not take offense to your post at all. We're 2 different people and the road you choose is fine for you,..but not for me.
I think you're right,..I shouldn't have read the email. It was personal. She reads mine though. See this is just it,..music is part of my life bro and she knew this from the beginning and now it's an issue?? I just don't get it. We do have other issues that I can't post here and are very personal. So,..yes there is more to this than just music. But,..that is one of the big parts of it. And yes,..I think you're also right about my priorities. They are off. But,..this is me man. After all is said and done,..if it does work out,..then fine!,..if it doesn't work out them I guess it's my doing and she and I will live on.

Johnny

I dunno man... the day you asked her to marry you, did you not "choose a road"? And I think I read it right that you have a kid? I don't know what kind of vows you exchanged, but I'm pretty sure they put your wife ahead of music. Too many people don't take what that all means serious enough anymore. It's just really sad. You said it's all gone south since the NEW band. So forgive me if I point out that she didn't make it about you giving up music, maybe just this new thing and the time it's sucking away from each other. You were plenty involved in music before that? I understand that this new situation is pretty incredible, but is it worth giving up your family life? Maybe I've misunderstood your responses but it sounds like this is about her wanting you to give up the new band, not music? You can hate me for saying all this bro, but if it ends badly I just don't think it sounds fair for you to justify it with "she expected me to give up music". As far as the e-mail and being shocked... throw the shoe on the other foot and imagine her finding this thread? I think POD GOD was right... You're being selfish bro. Keep in mind, I think you're a good guy and a fine guitarist... If I didn't think so, I wouldn't bother posting. I'm not trying to trash ya, but maybe throw some cold water. And if there are other issues, do the right thing for both of ya's and get the right help, for the sake of the kid(s) if nothing else.

I dunno man... the day you asked her to marry you, did you not "choose a road"? And I think I read it right that you have a kid? I don't know what kind of vows you exchanged, but I'm pretty sure they put your wife ahead of music. Too many people don't take what that all means serious enough anymore. It's just really sad. You said it's all gone south since the NEW band. So forgive me if I point out that she didn't make it about you giving up music, maybe just this new thing and the time it's sucking away from each other. You were plenty involved in music before that? I understand that this new situation is pretty incredible, but is it worth giving up your family life? Maybe I've misunderstood your responses but it sounds like this is about her wanting you to give up the new band, not music? You can hate me for saying all this bro, but if it ends badly I just don't think it sounds fair for you to justify it with "she expected me to give up music". As far as the e-mail and being shocked... throw the shoe on the other foot and imagine her finding this thread? I think POD GOD was right... You're being selfish bro. Keep in mind, I think you're a good guy and a fine guitarist... If I didn't think so, I wouldn't bother posting. I'm not trying to trash ya, but maybe throw some cold water. And if there are other issues, do the right thing for both of ya's and get the right help, for the sake of the kid(s) if nothing else.


I agree! I was being selfish! BUT,..not anymore. We had a very long talk about this over the weekend,..and it's not the band,..it was me not paying attention to her and the kids. I was so wrapped up in the new band thing ,..WAY to much that I put my family second. I've since put the band thing on the back burner and I'm gonna to be concentrating on my family to make things good again. We had a very nice weekend together and it all seems to be working out for the better now. I just have to stick by her and my kids. They are more important then a band. Family comes first then music.
I can always be in a band,..but I can't always have my family because I was about to lose them because of music and being in a band,..and that's not a good thing. I just have to show her that music and family can mix. I just have to think about it before jumping into it and not have it consume my life like it's been.

I wanna thank you and everyone that gave me their opinion on this matter and also to get me to really see what was going on. It was a big eye opener for me. Everyone here are really great people and thank you again for being there for me when I needed it!

Johnny

Well,..my life at this point is shit. I quit the band I was in for over 6 years to join a bigger band to play out in bigger clubs in my area and my wife wasn't happy about it. We've been at each other for like 2 weeks now and it isn't getting any better. Infact she wrote an email to her cousin (that I read,..her not knowing I read it ) saying that she is going to leave me and she is sick and tired of me trying to live out my teen age fantasies in a rock band. AND,.this band "bullshit" is taking all my time up and she feels like she living with a house mate instead of a husband,...and so on and so on.
I do love her but,..she seems to not understand that playing a guitar and being in a band is a very big part of my life. Fuck!,..I've been in bands since I was 13!! I'm 47 now and I'm just doing what I've been doing for a long time. Maybe it's time I give all this shit up!? I can't believe how fcking shitty I feel right now. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've talked to her about all this before and I think she just went along with,..but didn't like it,...as I come to find out in the email she wrote to her cousin. I guess,..if I don't give it up (playing guitar) I'll be looking at a devoice in the near future. I'm very confused and depressed about all this.

Johnny

The way I see it....it just isn't worth it to change who you are to satisfy someone else. It doesn't really matter how much you love that person, something about you isn't liked. If you do try to change yourself then, at BEST, you'll spend the rest of your life pretending to be something you're not.

But what do I know? I ain't got a wife.

I agree! I was being selfish! BUT,..not anymore. We had a very long talk about this over the weekend,..and it's not the band,..it was me not paying attention to her and the kids. I was so wrapped up in the new band thing ,..WAY to much that I put my family second. I've since put the band thing on the back burner and I'm gonna to be concentrating on my family to make things good again. We had a very nice weekend together and it all seems to be working out for the better now. I just have to stick by her and my kids. They are more important then a band. Family comes first then music.
I can always be in a band,..but I can't always have my family because I was about to lose them because of music and being in a band,..and that's not a good thing. I just have to show her that music and family can mix. I just have to think about it before jumping into it and not have it consume my life like it's been.

I wanna thank you and everyone that gave me their opinion on this matter and also to get me to really see what was going on. It was a big eye opener for me. Everyone here are really great people and thank you again for being there for me when I needed it!

Johnny

Johnny, This is great news man!!! Really VERY happy for you. When it's all coming at you at once, it's enough to send you in 15 different directions. And I think we ALL have been sending one message in common... It takes a lot of balance, to the likes of circus folk sometimes. My wife is due with our second at the end of June and I'm in a race to get a demo done with my band before then, knowing I'll be sleepless and up to my ears in diapers for a few months after. You're not alone bud, we're all pulling for you guys. Best of luck bro.

... it's not the band,..it was me not paying attention to her and the kids. I was so wrapped up in the new band thing ,..WAY to much that I put my family second. I've since put the band thing on the back burner and I'm gonna to be concentrating on my family to make things good again. We had a very nice weekend together and it all seems to be working out for the better now. I just have to stick by her and my kids. They are more important then a band. Family comes first then music.
I can always be in a band,..but I can't always have my family because I was about to lose them because of music and being in a band,..and that's not a good thing. I just have to show her that music and family can mix. I just have to think about it before jumping into it and not have it consume my life like it's been.

Johnny this is fantastic news! Amazing what a little chat can unearth, and really easy to fix! Proud of you for keeping your head and listening.

Good luck and Happiness!!

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to listen and giving me some good pointers! You guys kickass. Now off to join 2 bands...J/K.:lol:
Everything is cool now! Back to just havin fun with family and friends.
Now lets end this post and move on....

Thanks again!

Johnny

Man, right when i was looking forward to the " the BITCH left me" post, you go and do the right thing!!! LOL!!!! Very much kidding John my friend......i am honestly very happy you two were able to discuss it, and come to terms with it.....i will tell you it definitely will be for the best!!! Very happy for ya bro!!!:thumb:

And you thought guitarblast was just for music....:) We got Wisdom son and have all been through it. I gave up guitar (in fact sold every peice of music when I was married for 5 yrs...never touched a musical instrument). It's not something anyone can understand on.."the outside." It's where we regenerate and become ourselves. I hated my life without music. I am glad you sorted it out. :thumb:

And you thought guitarblast was just for music....:) We got Wisdom son and have all been through it. I gave up guitar (in fact sold every peice of music when I was married for 5 yrs...never touched a musical instrument). It's not something anyone can understand on.."the outside." It's where we regenerate and become ourselves. I hated my life without music. I am glad you sorted it out. :thumb:


JPF & 3fingers! Thanks guys! You guys are the best. This is why I hang out here. Good people and great fun!
Thanks again!
:woot:
Johnny

No clever speeches mate, just happy for you and wishing you a happier time with a better balance :thumb: